Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
