I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
