planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
