We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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