five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
