That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
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PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
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Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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