I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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