omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
