At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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