did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
its liver damage thursday
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
