Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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