The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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