im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
