you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
