you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
