I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I want a musical about memes.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I have post one night stand depression
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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