Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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