doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Terrible idea I love it
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
