so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
