Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
