There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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