Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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