I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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