I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Randomize
