He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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