he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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