I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
where are you?
Hypothermia
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
