The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
