and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
