She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
