What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
