There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
