This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
