we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
