I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
