Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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