after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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