just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
