the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
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He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
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Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
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