Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
