I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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