You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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