All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
