She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
