Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dignity is for republicans.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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