Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
