It's Friday. Sex?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
