so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
