went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
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he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
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Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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