i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
