I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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