I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
