You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Randomize
