I'm jealous of your bromance
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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