I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
