We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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