Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
