East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
