Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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