If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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