ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
