you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
