Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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