just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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