Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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