Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Someone signed my nipple.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
