Acid is not a monday night drug
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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