If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
two words...techno handjob
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Let's paint friendship bongs
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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