I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
