he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
