Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
