I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
